Dear Lady Who Does Not Like Momma's Boys:
I can quote you as saying "I don't trust no momma's boys. They ain't got no soul." Thank you for the insight, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
Dear CTA Custodian,
If you insist on chasing pigeons off the platform with your broom and dustpan and then telling me you are just trying to "control the birds," please, try to keep them from flying at my face. Thanks.
Dear Morticia Adams,
At first, your neon green nailpolish was a bit interesting. Then you pulled out your black water bottle, I noticed your jet black hair, and you solid black crayon eyeliner. Just an observation. No judgment.
Dear Innocent Student,
My deepest apologies to you on behalf of the strange man that felt the need to pull the earbud out of your ear so you could read him the numbers printed on the side of the train. That was weird and I felt uncomfortable for you.
Dear Dr. Psychologist,
While you were busy proofreading articles and checking your email, you forced me out of my seat. You chose to occupy 1.5 of the 2 seats available, neglecting to notice I was already occupying 1. The math does not add up. Thanks for elbowing me, it kept me awake.
Dear Almost Mullet Guy,
I just have to say, if it weren't for the beginnings of your mullet...you would be drop dead gorgeous.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, October 19, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
One branch short of a Christmas tree
Seriously. She was chewing on a pine branch. As the intercom announced that the train would be arriving shortly, she repeated the phrase over and over as she munched on her pine-fresh breakfast.
She then said "go ahead, talk to the shrink. Go ahead, tell the shrink." Over. And over. And over.
It was weird. I haven't seen something that strange since the fruit stand lady.
On the way home, I was doing a crossword in the RedEye like the crazy old person that I am. A lady sat next to me, doing the same crossword. She eyed my page, gave me a little glare, and promptly moved to a different seat. I never did figure out what #57 across was, we could have swapped notes!
Yesterday, I saw the ever feared murse. A man carrying a purse. I think he thought it was a delightful brief case, but my own purse was about the same size...and similar style, come to think of it.
A Jonas Brother (OMGoodness!!!!) Or their biggest fan, perhaps, boarded the train. He seemed quite pleased with his punky hairstyle, but no one really cares at 6 in the morning.
And finally, in honor of the late King of Pop, the above photo is a purse that draws its fashion inspiration from Thriller.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A long overdue update
Occasionally, I join the ranks of those who drive into and out of the city. While heading North for the weekend, I decided to observe the other drivers around me.
One deserves mention: As we came up next to him, he had a hair brush in hand. I thought he was combing his hair. At one point he may have been, but by the time I saw him, he was brushing is mustache with his hairbrush. (What is it with me and mustaches? Am I the ONLY who thinks they're creepy?) Then, moments later, he had moved to his eyebrows. With a hair brush. Blech.
Also worth noting: Motion Sick on the Subway. While occupying a spot on a very crowded (Thanks, Cubbies) subway one afternoon, a lady tapped my hand (NEVER tap someone else's hand on the subway. Ew. H1N1 anybody?) "Excuse me?" She said to me. "Can you ask that man over there if I can have his bag?" WHAT? She wanted the paper bag he had carrying his sandwich. Why? She wanted to use it as a barf bag.
Ghiradelli chocolate had one of their employees passing out flyers for their restaurant a few blocks away from the store. Nothing wrong with that. What was wrong with that was the fact the poor kid was dressed as an ice cream cone. "I just want you to know, because Ghiradelli made you do this, I won't be going there. I just feel too bad for you. No one should have to be dressed as food for their job. Do you post on FML?" Ok so I didn't say that, because I was too busy sneaking into some unsuspecting toursits family portrait.
Walking through the streets of the Windy city keeps me entertained. As summer approaches, there will be ample supply of summer gear selection to critique, and I'm positive there will be more train riding to talk about. Stay tuned...and as always...don't let the commute get you down.
One deserves mention: As we came up next to him, he had a hair brush in hand. I thought he was combing his hair. At one point he may have been, but by the time I saw him, he was brushing is mustache with his hairbrush. (What is it with me and mustaches? Am I the ONLY who thinks they're creepy?) Then, moments later, he had moved to his eyebrows. With a hair brush. Blech.
Also worth noting: Motion Sick on the Subway. While occupying a spot on a very crowded (Thanks, Cubbies) subway one afternoon, a lady tapped my hand (NEVER tap someone else's hand on the subway. Ew. H1N1 anybody?) "Excuse me?" She said to me. "Can you ask that man over there if I can have his bag?" WHAT? She wanted the paper bag he had carrying his sandwich. Why? She wanted to use it as a barf bag.
She was mad that the man wouldn't empty his bag to give it to her to barf in...but we were right near a stop, and she refused to exit the train. She refused to exit...so I exited instead.
Ever walk past a group of tourists? Do you ever want to offer to help them with their photograph, but intentionally "miscommuncate" and try to jump in their picture with them? Is the fact that I find myself daydreaming about the above scenario more and more frequently as I see more and more people posing on Mich Ave to take pictures disconcerting to you?Ghiradelli chocolate had one of their employees passing out flyers for their restaurant a few blocks away from the store. Nothing wrong with that. What was wrong with that was the fact the poor kid was dressed as an ice cream cone. "I just want you to know, because Ghiradelli made you do this, I won't be going there. I just feel too bad for you. No one should have to be dressed as food for their job. Do you post on FML?" Ok so I didn't say that, because I was too busy sneaking into some unsuspecting toursits family portrait.
Walking through the streets of the Windy city keeps me entertained. As summer approaches, there will be ample supply of summer gear selection to critique, and I'm positive there will be more train riding to talk about. Stay tuned...and as always...don't let the commute get you down.
Friday, March 13, 2009
I'm baaaaack.
I realized that while my commuting is now limited to a few public transit rides every week or two, commuting comes in all forms.
Take, for example, the walk home from the subway yesterday.
There are various types of walkers in the city. Not like Walker, Texas Ranger walkers, but various styles of strides and steps, and determination. Determination is key.
When I walk, I walk as much in a straight line as I possibly can. I go from point A to point B with relative swiftness, always on a mission. Very rarely do I wander, saunter, stagger, or provide the intriguing unpredictability of the only person on the sidewalker.
Wanderers: Wanderers tend to not seem like they know where they are going. They don't really have a point B. Everyone has a point A, but wanderers might find themselves at point C, D, F and M before finding point B.
Saunterers: Generally well dressed and often mistaken for swift, mission oriented walkers, Saunterers appear as if they have a point B, however their point B generally tends to mosey it's way over to "Bbbbbe impressed that I'm so well dressed and have a freshly laser whitened smile and new hair plugs."
Staggerers: The staggerer can be anyone. Those under the influence of illegal substances, those who are generally just tired, or in this city, those who have a hard time keeping their balance in the wind.
Only person on the sidewalker: This is the most frequent of all the types that I find here. Never do they realize that someone is walking behind them, or that they should probably keep to one side of the sidewalk. The moment someone tries to walk around them, they instinctively move into their pathway, thus forcing the person to drop their pace until a crosswalk is reached.
I ran into the only person multiple times yesterday. I finally just went home and decided not to face the sidewalks until tomorrow.
Take, for example, the walk home from the subway yesterday.
There are various types of walkers in the city. Not like Walker, Texas Ranger walkers, but various styles of strides and steps, and determination. Determination is key.
When I walk, I walk as much in a straight line as I possibly can. I go from point A to point B with relative swiftness, always on a mission. Very rarely do I wander, saunter, stagger, or provide the intriguing unpredictability of the only person on the sidewalker.
Wanderers: Wanderers tend to not seem like they know where they are going. They don't really have a point B. Everyone has a point A, but wanderers might find themselves at point C, D, F and M before finding point B.
Saunterers: Generally well dressed and often mistaken for swift, mission oriented walkers, Saunterers appear as if they have a point B, however their point B generally tends to mosey it's way over to "Bbbbbe impressed that I'm so well dressed and have a freshly laser whitened smile and new hair plugs."
Staggerers: The staggerer can be anyone. Those under the influence of illegal substances, those who are generally just tired, or in this city, those who have a hard time keeping their balance in the wind.
Only person on the sidewalker: This is the most frequent of all the types that I find here. Never do they realize that someone is walking behind them, or that they should probably keep to one side of the sidewalk. The moment someone tries to walk around them, they instinctively move into their pathway, thus forcing the person to drop their pace until a crosswalk is reached.
I ran into the only person multiple times yesterday. I finally just went home and decided not to face the sidewalks until tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Commuterology wrap up
My daily commute is over. Sadly. There were not tears however. I much prefer a two minute commute over a two hour commute. There aren't as many people to watch though.
I would like to share with you the story of the elderly, angry couple.
A few weeks ago (time flies) an elderly couple boarded the train. The wife immediately began shouting at her husband. "Just sit down! Just sit there!" So obediently, like a puppy, he did. Then when the spot next to her opened up, again she barked "Are you going to stay there or sit here??" The two proceeded to interact as such, while the man called the manufacturer for his electric razor because the cord was broken. They then got into a yelling match about why they hate Best Buy, and why it was necessary for him to call the manufacturer instead of buying another razor.
Life is too short my friends, life is too short.
I was so embarrassed for them, and as I listened, could not help but giggle a little. Childish as they were, they did not seem to notice that others were staring. Then I was laughing ridiculously hard, and everyone on the train stared at me instead of them.
They should thank me. I drew the attention away from their marital problems.
Tom Selleck the conductor was back. Apparently he was on his honeymoon, as he returned wearing a wedding ring. This did nothing to curb his wink and smile habit though, as he resumed normal flirtatious patterns as soon as he saw me and two of the other regular riders.
Sooooo creepy.
As I wrap up my summer of commuting, I hope to never forget the crazy and interesting things I have seen. There was a comfort and familiarity in riding the train. I sat in the same car and began to form a wordless friendship with those whom I saw daily.
Except the conductor. That was not a wordless friendship. That was one thousand words for "Creepy."
I would like to share with you the story of the elderly, angry couple.
A few weeks ago (time flies) an elderly couple boarded the train. The wife immediately began shouting at her husband. "Just sit down! Just sit there!" So obediently, like a puppy, he did. Then when the spot next to her opened up, again she barked "Are you going to stay there or sit here??" The two proceeded to interact as such, while the man called the manufacturer for his electric razor because the cord was broken. They then got into a yelling match about why they hate Best Buy, and why it was necessary for him to call the manufacturer instead of buying another razor.
Life is too short my friends, life is too short.
I was so embarrassed for them, and as I listened, could not help but giggle a little. Childish as they were, they did not seem to notice that others were staring. Then I was laughing ridiculously hard, and everyone on the train stared at me instead of them.
They should thank me. I drew the attention away from their marital problems.
Tom Selleck the conductor was back. Apparently he was on his honeymoon, as he returned wearing a wedding ring. This did nothing to curb his wink and smile habit though, as he resumed normal flirtatious patterns as soon as he saw me and two of the other regular riders.
Sooooo creepy.
As I wrap up my summer of commuting, I hope to never forget the crazy and interesting things I have seen. There was a comfort and familiarity in riding the train. I sat in the same car and began to form a wordless friendship with those whom I saw daily.
Except the conductor. That was not a wordless friendship. That was one thousand words for "Creepy."
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
"I'm a MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A four year old got on the train this morning and ran up and down the aisle yelling "I'm a monster." It was amazing. Then his brother, who had just rubbed his hands with hand sanitizer followed up and down the aisle, asking strangers to smell his hands.
They were lemon-y fresh.
A four year old got on the train this morning and ran up and down the aisle yelling "I'm a monster." It was amazing. Then his brother, who had just rubbed his hands with hand sanitizer followed up and down the aisle, asking strangers to smell his hands.
They were lemon-y fresh.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Drive-by parenting
"You should be careful. You can feel your knee on the seat in front of you," said the man with the SUPER bad hair piece.
I had just been scolded by a stranger. (cringe).
Really? Really? I apologized. He got off the train at that very stop.
Now, I understand that it is a tight train right, and I also understand that I have very long legs. I noted that my legs were not, in fact, even touching the seat in front of me.
Ladies and gentleman, if someone is bothering you during your ride, say something at the time of the event. Do not wait until there is no possible consequence to your criticism, yell at someone and quickly exit the train.
I don't need someone to parent me on the train. Really.
And don't ever wear a hair piece.
The conductor with the 'stache is back. Only now it's a goatee. Niiiiiiiice. Doesn't take the edge of the creepiness at all.
There's a man that gets on the train at the same station I do every day. He has to be at least 6'5" tall, almost as wide as he is tall. He ALWAYS has some weird banter in the morning, whether it involves how close he is to the the exact spot where the train door opens or some rude or obnoxious comment toward some fellow commuters. Today I even saw him smack another commuter in the belly, obviously intended as a friendly gesture...if you were twelve...but no one on that train was twelve this morning.
Please sir, I beg of you, keep your comments, gestures, and overall extreme friendliness a little lower key, for everyone's sake.
Thankyouverymuch.
Did I mention he enters the train from the left side of the stairs every morning, only to cross in front of everyone and turn right from the far left staircase. Every morning. Maybe he would catch on by now, noting that he had trouble getting to his seat due to high traffic flow (caused by him) but no, he remains oblivious to the amount of cutting others off he does. Let's be courteous. Take the right hand side of the stairs if you intend to enter the car to your right. It just makes sense.
I had just been scolded by a stranger. (cringe).
Really? Really? I apologized. He got off the train at that very stop.
Now, I understand that it is a tight train right, and I also understand that I have very long legs. I noted that my legs were not, in fact, even touching the seat in front of me.
Ladies and gentleman, if someone is bothering you during your ride, say something at the time of the event. Do not wait until there is no possible consequence to your criticism, yell at someone and quickly exit the train.
I don't need someone to parent me on the train. Really.
And don't ever wear a hair piece.
The conductor with the 'stache is back. Only now it's a goatee. Niiiiiiiice. Doesn't take the edge of the creepiness at all.
There's a man that gets on the train at the same station I do every day. He has to be at least 6'5" tall, almost as wide as he is tall. He ALWAYS has some weird banter in the morning, whether it involves how close he is to the the exact spot where the train door opens or some rude or obnoxious comment toward some fellow commuters. Today I even saw him smack another commuter in the belly, obviously intended as a friendly gesture...if you were twelve...but no one on that train was twelve this morning.
Please sir, I beg of you, keep your comments, gestures, and overall extreme friendliness a little lower key, for everyone's sake.
Thankyouverymuch.
Did I mention he enters the train from the left side of the stairs every morning, only to cross in front of everyone and turn right from the far left staircase. Every morning. Maybe he would catch on by now, noting that he had trouble getting to his seat due to high traffic flow (caused by him) but no, he remains oblivious to the amount of cutting others off he does. Let's be courteous. Take the right hand side of the stairs if you intend to enter the car to your right. It just makes sense.
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