A letter...or several

Dear Lady Who Does Not Like Momma's Boys:
I can quote you as saying "I don't trust no momma's boys. They ain't got no soul." Thank you for the insight, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

Dear CTA Custodian,
If you insist on chasing pigeons off the platform with your broom and dustpan and then telling me you are just trying to "control the birds," please, try to keep them from flying at my face. Thanks.

Dear Morticia Adams,
At first, your neon green nailpolish was a bit interesting. Then you pulled out your black water bottle, I noticed your jet black hair, and you solid black crayon eyeliner. Just an observation. No judgment.

Dear Innocent Student,
My deepest apologies to you on behalf of the strange man that felt the need to pull the earbud out of your ear so you could read him the numbers printed on the side of the train. That was weird and I felt uncomfortable for you.

Dear Dr. Psychologist,
While you were busy proofreading articles and checking your email, you forced me out of my seat. You chose to occupy 1.5 of the 2 seats available, neglecting to notice I was already occupying 1. The math does not add up. Thanks for elbowing me, it kept me awake.

Dear Almost Mullet Guy,
I just have to say, if it weren't for the beginnings of your mullet...you would be drop dead gorgeous.

Sincerely,
Me