Cattle and gum chewers

The urge to say "mmmmoooooo" strikes me in overwhelming capacity occasionally at Clark and Lake. I can only move as quickly as the person in front of me, so please, stop crowding me. You make me nervous. I realize odd thing stress me out. Someone right on my heels at the escalator is one of those things.

Also, at risk of sounding like your mother or 2nd grade teacher, allow me to ask you something.
"Where did you get that gum? Why are you chewing it like a cow? Were you born in a barn? Did you know it is very, very rude to chew with your mouth open, even if it is chewing gum?"

Grossity-gross gross. I have this problem with sounds. Loud chewing is one of those. The others include clicking noises, smacking (i.e. chewing with your mouth open), "fat" noises (you would know it if you heard it...it sounds like something akin to what a vat of mayonnaise would sound like if it could speak, or stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese) and nail clipping. I encounter all of these on the train. I AM NOT NEUROTIC. Ok. I know that I am. But it's an endearing sort of crazy. I don't expect people to cater to these tendencies, I'm only letting you see a brief glimpse of things that make me shudder.

All that to say....PLEASE stop smacking your gum. //end rant that exposes my bent towards psychosis.